Way to Die #294
"You've Got Dead Male"
Name of the death is a pun on "you've got mail"
Date October 18, 2009
Location Daytona, Florida
Episode this death
was featured in
"Dirt Nap"

"You've Got Dead Male", Way to Die #294, is the third death to be featured in "Dirt Nap", which aired on November 7, 2011.


Jasper, a teenage vandal and lifelong punk, rides down the street with his girlfriend, leans out the passenger window and hits passing mailboxes with a baseball bat. One night, when Jasper was on a vandalism spree, one mailbox manages to withstand his baseball swing, after some confusion over why it didn't break, Jasper's girlfriend backs up the truck so he can hit it some more. He repeatedly whacks the mailbox with his bat, but the, it's revealed that the vandals already visited this property a month ago, and the homeowner was a retired ironworker named Mr. Rivers; after the first attack, Mr. Rivers used his skills to reinforce his mailbox with steels, ensuring that it cannot be broken by a wooden bat. Mr. Rivers has some laugh watching Jasper futilely try to destroy the mailbox, but then, there comes a surprise that none of them expected: the wooden bat breaks, and a big splinter pierces Jasper through the heart, collapsing his lungs. Jasper dies and his corpse slumps over the car door as his girlfriend screams.

"Vandalism is a senseless act of destruction. Jasper thought it was funny. But in the end, he wasn't laughing.. he was dead!"

Cast and Interviewees

  • Ashley Brinkman - Jasper's Girlfriend (lead)
  • Henri C. Wittelsohn - Mr. Rivers (lead)
  • Ray Chao - Himself (Juvenile Probation Officer)
  • David Svoboda - Himself (EMT)


  • Also called "Face Plant" on the Spike TV website.