Way to Die #294
"You've Got Dead Male"
Name of the death is a pun on "you've got mail"
Date October 18, 2009
Location Daytona, Florida
Episode this death
was featured in
"Dirt Nap"

"You've Got Dead Male", Way to Die #294, is the third death to be featured in "Dirt Nap", which aired on November 7, 2011.


Jasper, a teenage vandal and lifelong punk, drives down the street with his girlfriend, so he can lean out the passenger window and hit passing mailboxes with a baseball bat. One night, when Jasper was on a vandalism spree, one mailbox manages to withstand his baseball swing, so his girlfriend backs up the truck so he can hit it some more. He repeatedly whacks the mailbox with his bat, but the mailbox proves more durable when his baseball bat breaks to pieces, causing a huge splinter to fly into his chest along with a few smaller ones, puncturing his heart and collapsing his lung. A month ago, Jasper and his girlfriend had laid waste to the very same mailbox that killed him. It turns out that the homeowner, Mr. Rivers, was a retired iron worker; he had reinforced that mailbox with two layers of steel to make it bat-proof and to prevent future vandals from destroying it. In the end, Jasper's lifeless corpse slumps over the car door, and he dies.

"Vandalism is a senseless act of destruction. Jasper thought it was funny. But in the end, he wasn't laughing.. he was dead!"

Cast and Interviewees

  • Ashley Brinkman - Jasper's Girlfriend (lead)
  • Henri C. Wittelsohn - Mr. Rivers (lead)
  • Ray Chao - Himself (Juvenile Probation Officer)
  • David Svoboda - Himself (EMT)


  • Also called "Face Plant" on the Spike TV website.