Way to Die #250
Name of the death is a pun on the words "masturbation" and "bitten"
Date March 15, 2009
Location Lamy, New Mexico
Episode this death
was featured in
"A New App Called Death"
"American Died'Ol"
"Heim-Licked (next episode)"

"Mastur-bitten", Way to Die #250, is the seventh and final death featured in the episode "A New App Called Death", which aired on April 2, 2012.


Palmer Muncie is a greedy, perverted con-man impersonating a state health inspector as part of a statewide scam. He goes to local hotels and motels on inspection days, and defrauds them with this tactic; He tells the gullible hotel owner that he works alone, before going into a room and masturbates in it to taint the area with his semen. Then, he shows the stains under a blacklight, threatening to shut their hotel down to extort money from them.

At one local motel, Palmer manages to swindle the employees and get a free night. That night, he goes to sleep with his blacklight still glowing.

It would soon be clear that the motel Palmer scammed would need a real health inspection. Little did he know, is that the room he managed to weasel his way into was infested with Arizona bark scorpions (which glow under a blacklight). The scorpions crawled onto Palmer's bed before stinging him, with the venom shutting down his autonomic nervous system, killing him instantly.

"Palmer was a disgusting pervert who squeezed himself...and then motel owners. After a tiring day of self abuse, he had a nice sleep...and then a bite. Ta-ta, freak!"

Segment Nickname

  • Black Light Scorpions (on the Spike TV website)


  • The Arizona bark scorpion is the most poisonous species of scorpion in North America.