Way to Die #250
Name of the death is a pun on the words "masturbation" and "bitten"
Date March 15, 2009
Location Lamy, New Mexico
Episode this death
was featured in
"A New App Called Death"
previous death
"American Died'Ol"
next death
"Heim-Licked (next episode)"

"Mastur-bitten", Way to Die #250, is the seventh and final death featured in the episode "A New App Called Death", which aired on April 2, 2012.


Palmer Muncie is a greedy, perverted con-man impersonating a state health inspector as part of a statewide scam. He goes to local hotels and motels on inspection days, and defrauds them with this tactic; He tells the gullible hotel owner that he works alone, before going into a room and masturbates in it to taint the area with his semen. Then, he shows the stains under a blacklight, threatening to shut their hotel down to extort money from them.

At one local motel, Palmer manages to swindle the employees and get a free night. That night, he goes to sleep with his blacklight still glowing. It would soon be clear that the motel Palmer scammed would need a real health inspection. Little did he know, is that the room he managed to weasel his way into was infested with Arizona bark scorpions (which glow under a blacklight). The scorpions crawled onto Palmer's bed before stinging him, with the venom shutting down his autonomic nervous system, killing him instantly.

"Palmer was a disgusting pervert who squeezed himself...and then motel owners. After a tiring day of self abuse, he had a nice sleep...and then a bite. Ta-ta, freak!"

Segment Nickname

  • Black Light Scorpions (on the Spike TV website)


  • The Arizona bark scorpion is the most poisonous species of scorpion in North America.

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