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If You're Dead – Leave a Message and We'll Get Back to You

"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 38.

Originally aired January 5, 2011.

Title reference: Spoofs the answering machine greetings.

-- This is the Original Episode --

Hats All Folks!

Way to Die #501

On December 12, 1849, in Danbury, CT. A hat maker's constant exposure to mercury (which he uses to felt hats) not only drives him to insanity, but destroys his internal organs, causes metalicizing of the blood stream, destruction of the brain and death.

Alt names - Mad Hatter

Tone Death

Way to Die #937

On October 17, 2009, in Brooklyn, NY. An I-Dose dealer uses military subsonic equipment to amplify the hallucinogenic effects of his music for a new I-Dose file called "Satan's Jackhammer" and ends up dying from sonic pressure.

Alt names - Over-I-Dose

Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".

Caulk Blocked

Way to Die #877

On April 25, 1998, in New York, NY. A wannabe hip-hop queen and aspiring songwriter gets butt implants to get the attention of a male rapper who prefers women with big butts (and has dedicated a hit song to those kind of women). However, the surgeon she hired was a fraud, and her butt implants were made of common bathroom caulk instead of medical-grade silicone. The syringe the surgeon used accidentally hit an artery and sent the caulk into her circulatory system where it clogged her heart and led to cardiac arrest.

Alt names - Ass Full Of Caulk

Deaf Jammed

Way to Die #130

On October 19, 2003, in Detroit, MI. A car thief who targets women gets his windpipe crushed and the blood supply to his brain cut off after his deaf target rolls up her car window with his head still stuck in the window.

Alt names - Wind-Owned

Homie-Cide

Way to Die #448

On July 31, 2004, in East L.A., CA. A wannabe actor joins a Hispanic gang to get into character for an upcoming low-budget gang film. After surviving his final initiation and being accepted, he is struck by a cadaver thrown off an overpass by a rival gang, causing a skull fracture and fatal brain hemorrhaging.

Alt names - Drive-By Corpsing

OMG! SUV! R.I.P.

Way to Die #320

On July 15, 2007, in Burbank, CA. A con artist specializing in filing frivolous lawsuits deliberately breaks his leg while trying to get hit by a blonde on her cell phone driving an SUV. She pulls over to help and finds him resting against the rear bumper of a car parked in front of her. When she accidentally knocks her SUV into neutral after getting back in to grab her cell phone, the car rolls forward and pins the man in between the two bumpers, crushing him to death.

Alt names - Squeeze Play

Dead-dy Dearest

Way to Die #172

On May 25, 1994, in Sandusky, OH. An extremely overprotective father and former Army soldier scares his daughter and her boyfriend by firing a gun at her boyfriend after suspecting that the two are having sex. The father then remorselessly explains to his enraged daughter that the whole thing was a prank and that the gun is loaded with blanks. The man demonstrates by aiming the gun at his head and firing. Ironically, the man dies from getting shot in the head by the force of the blank hitting him in his temple.

Alt names - Point Blank

Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".


Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.

JamesTherHAMPMaster 15:17, January 27, 2013 (UTC)

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