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"Ich Bin Ein Stoner", Way to Die #500, is the first death to be featured in "Eat, Pray, Die", which aired on August 8, 2011.

Plot[]

Friedrich is a witch hunter who had gone mad after eating grain with ergot in it. Going into a frenzy, he runs out and causes amok, causing people to think he is a sorcerer who had either shown his true colors, or accidentally put a hex on himself. Ironically, he had just accused a young girl for being a witch. In his village, the people were extremely superstitious. He would prick the accused person's mole with a needle. If it bled, they are humans, if not, they will be executed by stoning. The girl received the latter when her mole didn't bleed. Unlucky for Friedrich, his mole didn't bleed. therefore the superstitious people stone him and a rock to the head and gut causes his demise, putting an end to his witch hunts permanently.

Transcript[]

Friedrich: (Screams)

Narrator: Back in 1384, this was one way to have a bad day.

(Friedrich horrifies about his hand)

Friedrich: (SCREAMS)

Narrator: Friedrich has become a raving lunatic after...

(Before he was traumatized, here's the reason why he became crazy: eating ergot)

Narrator: ...eating grain that was infected with a hallucinatory fungus called ergot.

(Friedrich is still horrified, gets outside)

Friedrich: (SCREAMS)

Dr. Faryl Reingold: Ergot is a fungal disease that affects grasses, um, mainly rye. It contains 12 alkaloids that are derived from lysergic acid diethylamide, which is also known as LSD.

-Dr. Faryl Reingold: You're experiencing things like hallucinations, there's also a physical sensation of burning. There's been references to the appearance of ergot and its effects, going as far back as the bible.
-Friedrich: (SCREAMS)

(Friedrich takes his upper body clothes off)

Narrator: This was the dark ages. A time of ignorance and superstition.

Friedrich: (Screams)

Narrator: When somebody lost his mind like Friedrich, it was assumed to be the work of the devil.

Friedrich: Eine hexe! (A witch!)

Narrator: He was branded a witch.

(Previously, the villagers brought a young girl to Friedrich, the witch hunter, The Deathies is playing)

Narrator: Ironically, Friedrich, as the head of his village, recently accused a young girl of being a witch.

Young Girl: Nein, ich bin keine Hexe...! (No, I'm not a witch...!)

Narrator: And condemned her to death by stoning.

(Friedrich takes her upper robe off, to examine her mole)

Narrator: Nein! Nein, bitte! (No! No, please!)

(Sword Fight Death is playing)

Narrator: He came to his conclusion by using a popular witch-hunting test at the time. He'd (did) find a mole on the accused body and prick it with a needle. If bled, you'll be pure. If not...

(Friedrich pushes the needle on woman's back's mole hard, not bled)

Young Girl: Ah!

Narrator: Start praying...

(Death Throughout History is playing)

Friedrich: Sie ist eine Hexe! (She's a witch!) We loss nie! Stein! (Take her! Stone her!)

Young Girl: Nein, ich bin keine Hexe!!! (No, I'm not a witch!!!)

(Back at Friedrich gone crazy outside, [] is playing)

Friedrich: (Screams)

Narrator: The villagers used Friedrich science on Friedrich. Moles are simply benign growths of discolored skin. Whether they bleed or not is just random luck. Unlucky for Friedrich, his mole was bloodless.

(2 villagers examine Friedrich's mole on the back, not bled)

Villager: Er ist eine Hexe! (He's a witch!)

(Villagers stone Friedrich, [] is playing)

Villager: Esse maila! (Witch!)

Narrator: Friedrich went from being high...to getting stoned. The brutal pounding broke bones and caused internal bleeding. But it was rock to the head, that did him in.

(One of the villagers throws the stone on Friedrich's head, Friedrich dies; Demonic Introduction is playing, CGI human gets stoned, but one stone crushes the head, dies)

Dr. Steven Burstein: The rocks are thrown with tremendous momentum... at the subject. Striking the body in all locations.

CGI Human: (Moans)

Dr. Steven Burstein: But it's the blow to the head, destroying or compressing the brain tissue. That ultimately causes... the demise of the subject.

(Villain Death is playing, recap of Friedrich accusing young girl to be a witch)

Narrator: In the Dark Ages, people lived in fear of what they didn't understand...

Young Girl: Nein, ich bin keine Hexe...! (No, I'm not a witch...!)

Narrator: Friedrich condemned others to death based on superstition.

Young Girl: Ah!

Friedrich: Stein! (Stone her!)

Young Girl: Nein, ich bin keine Hexe!!! (No, I'm not a witch!!!)

(Friedrich eats ergot)

Narrator: Until... he got a taste...

Friedrich: (SCREAMS)

(Villagers stone Friedrich)

Narrator: of his own medicine.

Cast and Interviewees[]

  • Kai Cofer - Friederick (lead: intended victim)
  • Janina Washington - Alleged witch (lead: Friederick's victim)
  • Dr. Faryl Saliman Reingold - Interviewee (Occupational Therapist)
  • Dr. Steven Burstein - Interviewee (Interventional Cardiologist)

Alternative Name[]

Also known as "Witch Hunt" on the Spike TV website

Alternative Description[]

Description as seen on Spike TV's website:

"An ambitious German cleric accusing a young woman of witchcraft is suddenly accused himself, and is subsequently stoned to death."

Trivia[]

  • This death takes place 615 years before Deep Fried And 626 years before Pulled Pork
  • Ergot is a poisonous fungus that grows on rye plants. A cause of the execution must be because ergot contains a special chemical that constricts blood vessels and prevents bleeding, making the people believe that Freidrick was "not pure."
  • "Ich Bin Ein Stoner" is a pun on the phrase "Ich Bin Ein Berliner," a quote From John F. Kennedy.
  • CGI groans like in Par For The Corpse.

Foreign names[]

  • Ich bin ein apedrejado (Ich bin ein stoned) - Brazilian dub

Segment Nicknames[]

  • Witch Hunt
  • I Am A Stoner

Gallery[]

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