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1000 Ways to Die -- Season 5

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Season 5

NOTE: These bad words are very dangerous on some segments and some details.


Episode 55: Special: Death By Request (The Deathies)

Aired October 24, 2011  Note: This is the special episode about the best deaths have been requested by the Deathies (a.k.a. Dead People).

Category Runner Up A Runner Up B First Place Original Episode of Winner
Sexiest Death Blood Bath & Beyond Gum's The Word Washed And Fried (mentioned as Scar Washed) Episode 20: Death Watch
Best Historical Death Vike-O-Done (mentioned as Viking Violence) My Big Fat Greek Death (mentioned as Brass Bulls) Back Stabbed (mentioned as Blood Eagle ) Episode 26: Putting A Smiley Face On Death
Best Death During Sex Gasketballed Orspasm (mentioned as Cluster Victimized) Ass Phyxiated (mentioned as Plumber Helper) Episode 14: Death Bites!
Cosmic Karma Dead Meat-Eorite (mentioned as Meteorite Strikes) Road Killed (mentioned as End of the Road) Steward-death (mentioned as Unfriendly Skies) Episode 39: The One About Dumb People Dying
Worst Sexual Pervert Crib Your Enthusiasm (mentioned as Baby Boom) Mercury in Uranus (mentioned as Thermometers of Terror) Vom-Ate-Dead (mentioned as Chunka Chunka Burnin' Love) Episode 30: The End is Weird
Best Sports Death Samurai Death Squad (mentioned as Slashing Japanese) Pam Caked! (mentioned as Jeer-Bleader) Dead Eye  Episode 5: Dead and Deader
Dumbest Druggie Curl Up And Die (mentioned as Hair Die) Fecal Attraction (mentioned as Toilet Victimized) Em-Bear-Assed (mentioned as Un-BEAR-ably Attack) Episode 4: Death Over Easy
Dumbest Death Bitch Zapped Midnight Choker Boys 2 Dead Episode 25: Death On A Stick
Most Painful Death Easy Slider Bot-ily Harm (mentioned as Mod Man) Bad Max (mentioned as Sucked Off) Episode 30: The End is Weird
Deathiest Death Fat-ality (mentioned as Fatty Splatty) Chippin' Dale (mentioned as Wood Shredder) Titty Titty Bang Bang (mentioned as Terror at 20,000 Ft.) Episode 13: Death On Arrival

Episode 56: Deadliest Kitsch

Aired October 24, 2011 Note: This is the sixth episode not to feature the death of a female.

Title reference: Spoofs the Discovery Channel TV series Deadliest Catch.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
642 Bull-Heavia (a.k.a. Bleader) March 24, 2010 Somewhere in the Middle East The dictator of an unnamed Middle Eastern country regularly videotapes speeches blaming the United States of America for the country's poverty and political unrest and promising that the U.S. will pay for its decadent ways. In private, however, the dictator is obsessed with America, often dressing up as a cowboy in a private room filled with American memorabilia and a table with a model replica of Washington, D.C. After installing a new mechanical bull in his room, he goes to ride it, but his subordinate doesn't know how to make it go faster and ends up throwing the leader from the bull and onto his Washington, D.C. model., where the Washington Monument statue impales him right in the heart.
241 Hose-Whipped (a.k.a. Hosed) May 27, 2008 Philadelphia, PA A low-rent security guard (who has dreams of being a full-fledged police officer, despite recently failing the police exam) attempts to stop a group of scantily-clad animal rights protesters in front of a pharmaceutical company by blasting the protesters with a fire hose on full power. When the pressure becomes too much for him to hang onto, the hose slips under his legs and knocks him to the ground. The brass nozzle of the hose slams into his skull at over 30 miles per hour.
820 Suffer-cated (a.k.a. Cheating Edge) November 16, 2009 Bloomington, Indiana An obsessed cyclist is forced to take care of the dog his girlfriend left behind when she abandoned him. During his training in an altitude tent, the neglected dog (noticing the cyclist's water bottle on top of the tent) jumps up and shuts off the air supply. The cyclist desperately tries to get out, but ends up making the altitude tent fall to the floor (doorside down) and the man suffocates from lack of oxygen.
307 Rocked Out (a.k.a. Between a Rock and a Dead Place) April 14, 2006 Dodge City, KS A rock climbing instructor who leers at and gropes his female students is forced to help a man (who weighs 250 pounds) learn how to rope climb. The rock climbing instructor is too distracted by his female coworker to notice that the 250-pound man is slipping. The rope wraps around the instructor's neck, nearly choking him. He tries to get out of it by cutting the rope, but this only succeeds in making the fat man fall on top of the instructor. The instructor dies of a broken neck and brain hemorrhage.
917 Chicken Boned (a.k.a. Chicken Brittle) August 1, 1998 Cedar Rapids, IA A bored group of friends decide to play "chicken" (performing dangerous stunts to see who will back out first). One of the boys challenges the other to hold a lit M-80 in his mouth. When the second boy backs out, the first cries in victory but accidentally swallows the M-80, which enters his trachea, and blows apart his head and throat.
508 Toe Jammed September 14, 2005 Toledo, OH A hospital janitor with a fetish for feet and unconscious women sneaks around giving pedicures to sleeping or comatose female hospital patients while sucking on a foot-shaped lollipop. While finishing a pedicure on a coma patient, the janitor accidentally lets a hospital tray swing towards the woman's kneecap, triggering the patellar reflex. The coma patient involuntarily kicks the man in the face, causing the lollipop to lodge in his throat and the janitor to choke to death.
260 Down With The Clown (a.k.a. Insane Clown Posse) July 23, 2008 Los Angeles, CA A birthday party clown stalks a horror-core hip-hop band called "Infernal Clown Posse" (played by real-life clown-music group Insane Clown Posse) with hate mail and plans to sabotage one of their concerts. The clown rushes to the front row, but is knocked unconscious when one of the group members hits him in the head with a soda pop bottle. After regaining consciousness a short time later, the clown becomes enraged, runs backstage and goes to unplug their speakers. The clown, still drenched in soda, which contains a high concentration of salt, is electrocuted to death. (NOTE: This death features the song "In Yo Face" performed by ICP... Also this segment is otherwise known as "Down Clown Town Frown")

Episode 57: Grave Decisions: The Halloween Episode

Aired October 31, 2011

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
819 Sneeze Bag (a.k.a. 15 Minutes of Shame) February 23, 1989 Chicago, IL A city mayor's sexy campaign manager (actually a spy working for an opposing candidate) drugs his drink in a plot to frame him for sleeping with her. The next day, she drags the mayor out to meet a mob of photographers she has tipped off about the alleged sex scandal. However, the woman unknowingly suffers from ACHOO syndrome (aka Sneeze Syndrome), and the camera flashes trigger a sneezing fit that leads to her death from burst blood vessels.
273 As-Capped (a.k.a. Killjoy) June 10, 2005 El Segundo, CA An ex-record producer from the 1950s (modeled after Phil Spector) harasses his former band, who have been hired as the house band at the nursing home where he now resides. While threatening them with a revolver, he suffers a fit of palsy in his hand and accidentally shoots his own oxygen tank, which explodes and kills him.
295 Cat Fight On A Hot Tin Hood (a.k.a. Parking Fighters) August 9, 2001 Walla Walla, WA An overly aggressive driver gets angry when another woman takes the parking spot she wanted. When she gets in a fight with the other driver, she falls on top of the sharp three-pronged hood ornament of the car, lacerating her stomach and causing her death from hypovolemic shock and blood loss. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Parking Wars")
109 Heart Beat Down (a.k.a. Shocking Behavior) May 15, 1954 Bay City, MI A convicted murderer confined to a mental hospital is given electroshock therapy. He fakes being catatonic in order to take a nurse hostage and try to escape. While climbing the boundary fence, he suffers a fatal heart attack caused by a change in cardiac rhythm due to his treatment.
244 Chain On You (a.k.a. Dirt-y Biker) April 25, 2007 Lakewood, CO Two female motocross riders are bitter rivals on their local circuit. One rider sabotages the other's motorcycle chain, causing it to snap during the next race. The broken chain flies through the air and tears into the saboteur's throat, and she quickly bleeds to death. (This is the second death to feature what actually happened different from the CGI format, The First being "Jablowni". The chain is sent into the saboteurs throat but in the CGI format it slits her throat and slides AWAY from her throat).
700 This Just In...My Chest (a.k.a. Breaking News) August 26, 2004 Port Charlotte, FL A local news reporter obsessed with his self-image gets the opportunity to look brave and become famous on a national scale by covering a local hurricane. While attempting to cover the story, he is struck and impaled by a mailbox post that has broken loose in the high winds.
548 Therm-Assed (a.k.a. The Big Swig) October 8, 2008 Moab, UT A miserable teenage girl forced into going to a religious retreat by her parents slips some crushed ecstasy into everyone's dinner. After the drugs take effect, one of the campers smashes a guitar near the campfire. The girl chokes on the soot that is blown in her face. She grabs a nearby Thermos and gulps its contents, not knowing that it is filled with leftover boiling water from the campifire. Because she is high on ecstasy, she fails to spit the water out, so she suffers severe burns to her epiglottis which swells up and blocks her airway. She then looses consciousness and soon dies. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Swig Attack")

Episode 58: Dirt Nap

Aired November 7, 2011

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
350 Harmored Car (a.k.a. Heavily Armed) April 22, 2006 Hutchinson, KS Two amateurs attempt to rob an armored car and successfully tie up the guards, but a passer-by calls 911. The police arrive and exchange gunfire with the robbers, one of whom hides in the car. Just as he peeks out of an open door, his partner is hit and falls backward, driving the door shut and breaking the first robber's neck.
915 Bush Whacked 3: Waxed Off (a.k.a. Water-Waxed) November 13, 2005 Los Angeles, CA An angry woman goes to a spa run by two Korean women. After enduring her constant complaints, the masseuse and spa owner decide to give her a free bikini wax. One of the waxing strips catches fire and ignites her pubic hair when it is brought too close. The spa workers put out the fire, but the smoke sets off the sprinkler system and drenches everybody in the room. The woman dies from anaphylactic shock caused by aquagenic urticaria (a rare, allergic reaction to water) before she can run out.
294 You've Got Dead Male (a.k.a. Face Plant) October 18, 2009 Daytona, FL A vandal rides around a neighborhood and smashes mailboxes with a wooden baseball bat while his girlfriend drives. One previous victim, a retired metalworker, has reinforced his box with a steel post; unable to destroy it, the vandal pounds on it until his bat breaks, sending a splinter into his heart.
634 Shop 'Till You Drown (a.k.a. Drown And Out) February 9, 2004 Corpus Christi, TX A woman selling fake designer clothes to a client for high prices is thrown out by her client's husband (who hates his wife's personal shopper friend because his wife keeps spending money on her, and the husband lost most of his money to the current economic downturn). As she leaves, she falls into the couple's swimming pool, gets tangled in its cover, and drowns.
290 De-Faced (a.k.a. Snow No) January 22, 2003 St. Cloud, MN A man warms up his recently purchased snowblower by letting it run in his garage while he drinks several beers. The combination of alcohol and carbon monoxide exhaust fumes causes him to become dizzy and fall onto the blades, shredding his face.
630 Ex'd Ex (a.k.a. Haunted Prey Ride) March 27, 2001 Sleepy Hollow, NY A couple on a hayride are stalked by the female's former boyfriend. When he surprises them by popping out dressed as an axe murderer, the current boyfriend knocks him off the cart. He falls to the ground, and the wheels crush his lungs and intestines, causing his death from being run over in half.
730 Colon-Gross-Opy (a.k.a. Colon Gross) August 18, 1995 Denville, NJ A girl with a very high competitive streak holds various contests with her two male roommates. To prepare for a farting contest, she decides to cheat by squirting a can of whipped cream up her rectum to produce gas. However, the nitrous oxide gas from the can causes quick freezing and immediate necrosis of her intestinal tissue, resulting in swelling. Before She bleed to death, she farts out her blood and dies of hemorrhage.

Episode 59: Death Takes A Vacation

Aired November 14, 2011

Title reference: Spoofs the movie from 1962 with James Stewart; Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
272 Velvet Dope (a.k.a. Dead Carpet) May 21, 2010 Philadelphia, PA An ill-tempered bouncer (and former convict) repeatedly refuses to let two men into a club for not having money or good looks. One of the men becomes impatient and nudges the bouncer, who drives him back against an overhanging support beam. The beam snaps, with one piece impaling the bouncer through the head.
965 Bull-Shido (a.k.a. Urning Japanese) December 11, 2006 Osaka, Japan After the suffocation death of his band mate (from episode 36), a Japanese rock star realizes that he's untalented and a disgrace to the music world, so he decides to commit Japanese ritualistic suicide. After he slices his stomach open, he waits to bleed to death only to be decapitated by a family member and his sword.
899 Batter Upped (a.k.a. Fried D'oh) January 26, 2003 Abilene, TX A food vendor at a carnival tries to seduce his co-worker in the booth by erotically feeding her a la 9 1/2 Weeks. His co-worker enjoys it, until the food vendor tries to make out with her. The co-worker resists and dumps a bucket of flour over his head and runs off to her car. The food vendor goes after her, but ends up running into a pole and face-planting into a deep-fryer, which gives him fatal burns. The woman forgets her keys so she goes back, much to the horror of the man's frying corpse.
771 Caught In A Lye (a.k.a. Mud Fried) September 25, 2001 The Czech Republic A chemical plant owner lies to safety inspectors about his waste disposal practices. When one of them notices a pipe leaking hazardous sodium hydroxide solution, he tries to stop the leak by closing a valve. Instead, the chemical spews all over him, destroying his skin and body tissues.
614 Dead On Arrival (a.k.a. Acid Washed) November 6, 2002 San Francisco, CA A drug smuggler creates a tie-dyed T-shirt soaked in blotter acid so he can avoide detection at the airport. The smuggler gets nervous and begins sweating, causing him to absorb a massive overdose through his skin and suffer a heart attack, stroke and massive hyperthermia. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Tie Die")
211 Dead Mime ☺ (a.k.a. Never Mime) June 26, 1997 Portland, OR An annoying mime who resorts to harassing passersby in a park stops to eat a pickle for lunch. One piece gets lodged in his throat and causes him to choke to death, but the passersby do not stop to help, thinking that this is part of his act. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Never Mine About It")
556 Her Own Damn Fault!!! (a.k.a. Game Set Splat) July 27, 2004 Chatsworth, CA A lecherous wife invites her husband's boss and his boss's wife for a game of tennis. When the woman publicly tries to seduce the boss, his wife serves a ball that hits her in the head, stunning her. She stumbles against the hand crank used to tighten the net, releasing it so that it strikes her in the head. The blow leads to her death from a skull fracture and swelling of her brain. (Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Tennis the Menace")

Episode 60: Wild Wild Death

Aired November 21, 2011

Title reference: Spoofs the popular TV series The Wild Wild West.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
644 Teller She's Dead (a.k.a. Violent Alarm) December 9, 2005 Atlanta, GA A bank teller and her friend carry out an inside-job bank robbery, with the friend "forcing" the teller to open the vault and then locking her inside. When the friend sets off the fire alarm on her way out, it triggers a carbon dioxide extinguisher system in the vault, and the teller is suffocated to death.
106 Super Zero May 24, 2008 Cleveland, OH A nerd takes to dressing up as a superhero to fight minor crime in his town, but ends up harassing the so-called perpetrators. Finding some teenaged marijuana smokers on a rooftop, he shocks one with a cattle prod, but then retreats when the others advance toward him to defend their friend. He trips on his cape and falls over the edge, sustaining fatal skull and chest fractures when he hits the ground.
520 Branched Out (a.k.a. Uzi-Daisy) June 5, 2009 Lancaster, PA A man films videos of sexy girls firing weapons in hopes of having them go viral. Startled by an ejected shell casing that fell into her open cleavage (she was wearing a spaghetti-strap tanktop), one girl fires her Uzi at random and hits a tree branch overhead. The branch breaks and impales the man through the chest and into his heart, causing his death.
726 Dough!!! (a.k.a. Cinnamon And Spice) November 9, 2004 Rapid City, SD A lecherous bakery supervisor who sexually harasses his female employees challenges one of them to swallow a spoonful of ground cinnamon in order to get out of going on a date with him. She chokes on the powder and coughs it into his face, and he falls over so that his tie gets caught in a running dough mixer. His head is pulled in and the machine's blades inflict lethal skull fractures.
593 Cham-Pained (a.k.a. Champagne Toast) July 8, 2006 Montecito, CA A stolen art auctioneer decides to open her evening with a champagne fountain. When she goes to open the bottle, the cork pops off in her eye and she falls backward into the pyramid of champagne glasses, a shard imbeds her in the brachial artery and the rest of her body, she bleeds out in seconds.
105 (This is the second death to be given this number.) Backseat Die-er (a.k.a. Paddle Me) March 1, 2003 West Plains, MO A paramedic who has been fired several times for gross incompetence and getting high on hospital drugs takes another job and gets high again by inhaling nitrous oxide. In his intoxicated state, he begins playing with the ambulance's defibrillator and electrocutes himself. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Paddle Attack")
443 Blogged Artery (a.k.a. Kiss Of Death) January 16, 2006 Zuni Pueblo, NM A blogger who has sex with rock stars tries and fails at seducing a young rocker. Desperate for new material for her blog, she uses a vacuum cleaner on her neck to simulate a hickey. The suction causes a blood clot in her carotid artery, which ends up traveling to her brain and giving her a stroke when she stands.

Episode 61: Death Penalties

Aired January 25, 2012

This episode only had six deaths, as opposed to the normal seven, with the final segment being twice as long as the others.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
496 Recep-Shunned (a.k.a. Wedding Swinger) July 3, 2010 Warwick, RI An obnoxious wedding singer performs an insulting song, making fun of the groom being tricked into marrying the bride, who is pregnant and has herpes. When the groom goes to punch the singer, the best man tries to calm him down, only to be pushed away into the microphone stand, causing the microphone to lodge in the singer's throat. The wedding singer asphyxiates.
874 Dyin' Maiden (a.k.a. Iron Maid) September 4, 1789 Lyon, France During the French Revolution, a spy posing as a maid tries to kill a magistrate to get his money, but is stopped by the magistrate's assistant. For committing treason, the maid/spy is sentenced to death by being shoved inside an iron maiden and impaled.
358 Teri-Yucky (a.k.a. Burning Japanese) October 5, 2006 Bremerton, WA A master chef at a Benihana-style Japanese grill restaurant owns a set of precious knives. One night, the busboy of the restaurant steals the knives to role-play as the chef. When he throws one of them high in the air, he manages to catch it, but it severs a support rope holding up a giant Buddha head decoration. The decoration slams into the busboy and causes him to face plant into the hot grill, which scorches his face and kills him from fatal burns.
950 No Guts... All Gory (a.k.a. Knife Surprise) September 23, 2001 Leesburg, FL A common street thief who regularly mugs passersby goes after a diving equipment vendor as he's loading his merchandise into his car. The vendor uses a knife to stab at the street thief (despite that fighting back against an armed mugger is ill-advised) and the knife gets lodged in the thief's side. As the thief tries to pull it out, he presses a button that releases a burst of nitrogen (the knife in particular is used to subdue sharks during deep-sea diving excursions), which causes the thief's viscera to explode all over the parking lot.
24 She-Manned (a.k.a. Wet & Dry) November 3, 2007 Venice Beach, CA A female bodybuilder who works as a fetish actress for weak men who are attracted to physically strong women is taking a bath to prepare for her best customer. While under the influence of muscle relaxants and alcohol, she slips into the water, but gets out before she can breathe in any more water. However, while trying to crush a watermelon between her thighs for her best customer, she chokes to death and dies from dry drowning.
445 Apocalypse Harley (a.k.a. Apocalypse Charlie) April 16, 2011 Hollywood, CA A Marlon Brando-esque mercenary has been hired to take down a Charlie Sheen-esque TV actor who has been in the news for his erratic, misogynistic behavior, and his cocaine abuse. When the mercenary has the actor cornered in his mansion, the actor races to the kitchen to snort cocaine and get his machete. While running circles around the mercenary, the actor trips and stabs himself in the heart with his own weapon. He manages to utter, "Winning!" to one of his live-in prostitutes before dying. (NOTE: This is the long segment)

Episode 62: Die-abestic

Aired February 1, 2012

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
215 Spit-Ill (a.k.a. Sloppy Seconds) July 4, 2007 Marietta, GA A southern belle working a kissing booth for charity at a carnival is stealing the money from the jar. When her high school crush walks up to the booth, she is more than willing to make out with him. However, he had been chewing sunflower seeds, and the belle had an allergic reaction to the sunflower seed oil and died of anaphylactic shock.
462 Tow F.U. (a.k.a Tow Schmuck) August 28, 2006 Union, NJ A tow truck driver was also a scam artist. He would put fake 'No Parking' signs up and then overcharge customers when he illegally towed their car or does any other services. When a woman with a broken down car agrees to pay his high prices to get her car towed, the lazy tow truck driver accidentally hooked onto the cars steering rod instead of the tow link. While the car is being towed, the tensed steering rod breaks and the towing hook flies into the driver's head, crushing his skull.
296 Tipping Point (a.k.a. Gratuity Violence) May 8, 2001 San Francisco, CA Two rival waitresses working at a failing sports restaurant fight over who gets to serve a table filled with male softball players. When the fight gets physical, one waitress climbs atop the bar to body slam the other waitress, but she misses and lands on a spiked receipt holder that was knocked on the floor during the fight. She panics when she sees the receipt holder stuck in her silicone-filled breast and pulls it out. The blood from her pierced breast and heart leak out and she dies of exsanguination.
554 Dead Fixe (a.k.a Critical Condition) March 22, 2009 Boston, MA A food critic – notorious for his caustic reviews on restaurants – gets drunk on martinis during his latest assignment (a plan hatched by the chef and the bartender who know about the critic and decided to get him drunk so he'd write a good review). In his drunken state, the critic accidentally bites and swallows a plastic sword-shaped toothpick in his martini. The bitten piece wedges in his stomach wall and the critic dies days later of perionitis.
280 Dead-Necked (a.k.a Scold Maid) November 24, 2006 New Suffolk, NY A spoiled teenager throws a redneck themed party as a joke on his country cousin (despite that his country cousin is a law school valedictorian). When the cousin arrives, the spoiled teen decides to "prepare the main course" and deep-fry a frozen turkey. When the frozen turkey is dropped in the pot of hot oil, the reaction creates steam under the turkey, which expands rapidly and propels it out of the pot, and into the face of the teenager, jamming the cartilage of his nose into his brain and killing him instantly.
366 Strang-Girled (a.k.a Necks Victim) September 26, 2005 Bellevue, WA A cheating wife selfishly steals the neck massager from her husband who was using it after a long day at work. She rejects his concerns for her and goes into the bathroom to relax with a massage and a bath. However, her chain necklace gets tangled in the massager and strangles her.
94 Pop and Lox (a.k.a Ache Dancer) February 12, 1984 Bronx, NY An arrogant, Jewish-American princess who's into break-dancing holds a rap battle in her backyard against a rival team over who boasts the biggest sound in the neighborhood. During the battle, the break-dancer drops dead from Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome caused by her high-energy dancing and the soundwaves disrupting the rhythm of her heart.

Episode 63: Star Death: The Last Generation

Aired February 8, 2012

Title reference: Spoofs the popular TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
453 Cat Got Your Life (a.k.a. Too Fur Gone) July 5, 2009 Orlando, FL An animal hoarding divorcee with multiple cats becomes obsessed with mating them so she can collect and drink the milk of her pregnant cats, not realizing that they have been eating white snakeroot plants outside her house. The milk picks up the plants' toxins and causes the woman to die of organ failure.[1]
182 Homie Invasion/Homie's Dead (a.k.a Home Invasion) August 16, 2006 Shallotte, NC On a hot summer night, a burglar breaks in and begins stealing things from the owners' home. The husband goes to stop the burglar, but gets hit in head with the burglar's baseball bat. The wife tries to revive her husband with CPR, but he doesn't awaken. Just as the story is about the end with the typical 1000 Ways to Die "Way to Die #" and title screen, the story is rewound to show that the husband did come back to life (as he had a rare condition called Lazarus syndrome in which victims who are supposedly dead are suddenly revived). As the burglar escapes, the husband confronts him. The burglar freaks out over the husband's revival and falls off his rope, dying of a skull fracture from hitting the cobblestone path below the balcony. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Homie Invade-Dead")
446 Kara-Chokey (a.k.a. Inside Choke) June 24, 2005 Kyoto, Japan A Japanese Yakuza boss punishes a drunk karaoke singer by severing his fingertip and swallowing it, only to have it lodge in his throat. One of his underlings performs the Heimlich maneuver to save him, but his incorrect technique ruptures the boss's aortic valve so that he dies of massive internal hemorrhaging.
152 Photo-Dead-Ick (a.k.a. Painted Love) September 22, 2004 New York, NY An anorexic, cocaine-using supermodel has her entire body painted with latex for a photo shoot. The combination of drug abuse, poor diet, and rising body temperature (due to the latex's preventing her from sweating) causes her to pass out and impale herself through the eye on a lighting post.
330 (NOTE: This is the second death to have this number) Paper Or Spastic (a.k.a. Green Grosser) February 24, 2002 Crook, OR An extremely obnoxious, ill-tempered grocery shopper tries to swindle a store cashier, then screams at the manager when the cashier calls him in. During this argument, the scarf she is wearing (and trying to shoplift) gets caught in the checkout stand's conveyor belt and strangles her to death.
529 Hydrate-Dead (a.k.a. Chug A Lug) July 10, 2001 Sedona, AZ A competitive, perfectionst clothing entrepreneur constantly drinks large amounts of water and runs for exercise. While trying to out-race her rival from several past marathons, she collapses and dies due to swelling of the brain caused by water intoxication.
232 Nine Inch Nailed (a.k.a. R & RIP) April 10, 1999 Tacoma, WA Three men hired to clean a local dump waste time by rolling in a tire down a hill with a wooden ramp. The first man passes the ramp, but when the second man rolls down, the ramp collapses and exposes two nine-inch framing nails from the ramp, which puncture through the tire and sever his spinal cord, causing neurogenic shock.

Episode 64: Death – Putting The "Fun" In "Funeral"

Aired February 22, 2012

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
711 Spastic Surgery (a.k.a Bor D'oh) February 5, 2004 Greensboro, NC A woman who has recently had gastric bypass surgery chews out her husband and forces him to divorce her while the two dine out at a fancy restaurant. While arguing with him, the woman has a coughing fit, which causes her to bleed out excessively and bring forth a pair of forceps (which were left inside her by her plastic surgeon) from her lacerated stomach.
191 Rhymes With "Rich" (a.k.a. Diet and Exercise) November 18, 2007 Grosse Pointe, MI A gold-digging personal trainer targets a wealthy businessman who has hired her to help him and his wife stay in shape. After the wife screams at her husband for having an erection from the trainer's seductive ways, the trainer celebrates by practicing her clean and jerk with a 150-pound barbell. However, she lifts it too fast and collapses on a step aerobics platform. The impact from the fall snaps her neck, severing her spinal cord.
258 Less Is Mormon (a.k.a Whip Trap) May 20, 2001 Amity, OR A polygamist cult leader is set to wed his fourth wife. His latest wife gets nervous and runs off into the woods. The other cult members go after her, stepping into fatal traps set up around the compound to keep cult members from escaping alive. The groom ends up dead from one of his traps—a spiked board that impales the victim when stepped on like a rake.
689 Wine And Die (a.k.a Wine and Dine) October 1, 2002 Napa Valley, CA A nerdy, virgin college student takes a female foreign-exchange student from Sweden to a vineyard for a wine tasting, only to find it closed for the off-season. Having brought their own wine, they get drunk and climb into a fermentation vat to make out. Both of them soon asphyxiate due to the carbon dioxide emitted by the fermenting grapes.
420 Die-Rect TV (a.k.a Flashbite) September 29, 2009 Brooklyn, NY A squatter decides to tap into his neighbors' cable television line for some free entertainment when he sees that they are watching a marathon of 1000 Ways to Die. He climbs up to their exterior cable box, but tumbles down the building's fire escape, and gets impaled through his mouth and brainstem by the screwdriver he had between his lips.
944 Dead Light Green Light April 18, 2005 Everett, WA A scalper selling fake tickets to local sporting events gets caught by an angry customer who was just turned away from having counterfeit tickets. The scalper hurries across the street, but is hit and killed by an SUV, even though the pedestrian signal is green (the traffic light was shorted out by a slug that crawled into the electrical box to escape the sun).
346 Extinguished (a.k.a. Dodgeball Extinguished) December 12, 2006 Asheville, NC A bitter ex-jock, whose college prospects were ruined by failed drug tests, now plays dodgeball at a community center. After one aggressive victory against a group of nerds (all of which are heads of Internet companies that are making more money than the jock ever will), he yells at his teammates and tries to spray them with an old, improperly maintained fire extinguisher. The container explodes and the handle lodges in his chest, destroying his heart.

Episode 65: Sor-Dead Affair

Aired February 29, 2012

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
911 Penis de Milo (a.k.a. Sculpt-A-Death) March 28, 1993 Montreal, Canada A sculptor chiseling away at his latest project is dumped by his attention (and sex) starved wife. Lonely, the sculptor decides to chisel a vaginal opening at the base of the statue and have sex with it. Exhausted from having sex with his work of art, he tries to get up, only to find himself stuck on the statue due to priapism. The sculptor screams for help, but no one comes to his aid. The sculptor then tries to wriggle out of it. The sculptor manages to free himself, but not before his unfinished statue crashes down on his chest, causing flail chest by shattering his ribs and asphyxiating him.[2]
143 Bad Laps (a.k.a Final Heat) January 6, 2005 Crystal Lake, IL A drill sergeant turned swimming instructor for plus-sized women turns the heat up in the pool, much to the anger of his students. The instructor then throws down a challenge: if any of his students can outswim him, then he'll turn down the pool's temperature. Wearing his wetsuit, he jumps in, and after twenty laps, the exhausted trainees finally give up. However, the sergeant dies of hyperthermia caused by his wetsuit trapping the pool's heat and causing his heart to fail.
181 Pris-un-done (a.k.a Riot Whacked) November 22, 1982 New Mexico State Penitentiary A serial killer organizes a riot against the prison guards. He waits for the crowd to move out of the area before holding a guard hostage with a shiv made from a screwdriver. When he gets held up by guards armed with tear gas guns, he threatens them, and they shoot tear gas at him. However, the canister hits the inmate in the neck, collapsing his trachea and killing him. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Prison Break")
225 Xmas-turbator (a.k.a. Wreck the Halls) November 5, 2003 Fort Lauderdale, FL A man with a passion for irritating his neighbors (and an ironic hatred for all things Christmas) sets up a garish, Christmas light display in his yard. His latest addition to his yard display is a booming sound system on the roof. After turning it on, he slips and gets his foot caught in the cord of the speaker system. After his cries for help go unheard, the man swings back and forth, but only succeeds in bashing his own head against the house and killing himself from extensive brain damage.
571 Polly Want To Crack Your Spine? (a.k.a House Pest) August 23, 2001 Carmel, IN A housesitter instructed not to have guests over invites her boyfriend to the home. When they are distracted by the owner's cockatoo during a make out session, she opens the birdcage and the bird flies to the roof. When the sitter leans over the balcony to try and grab the bird, she slips and falls into a glass table, cutting her carotid artery.
393 Deep Sleep (Walk) (a.k.a Grim Sleeper) May 26, 2008 Long Beach, CA A woman who lives on a houseboat is unaware that she suffers from somnambulism and that she eats while sleepwalking. During one of her nightly walks, she heads out to get some chocolate. She slips off the pier and plunges into the water, drowning before she can wake up.
1000 Premature Endings (a.k.a Long Goodbye) March 13, 2011 Sharon Levy Memorial Hospital At a hospital filled with patients who are dead or near death from injuries and illnesses caused by their own stupidity or ignorance of conditions they never knew they had, a woman walks by the chaos to visit her elderly father (described as beloved, hard-working, and faithful to his family and friends) in hospice care, who dies peacefully in his sleep of old age with his daughter at his side. The narrator then looks back on all of the deaths on the show and concludes that the show is more of an instruction manual on how to live rather than a lurid docu-fiction on bizarre deaths. (NOTE: This was intended as a series finale, but the show was renewed for another season and the new era about animanted episodes. Also, This segment is otherwise known as "Good-Bye, Farewell and Amen")

Episode 66: Locked and Low Dead

Aired February 29, 2012

Title reference: Play-on words for the phrase "Locked and Loaded".

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
612 Gone Green (a.k.a. Fashion Victim) March 26, 2007 Los Angeles, CA A rich socialite throws a St. Patrick's Day party and plans to show off the $3000 antique green dress she shoplifted, which contains Paris Green dye (a poisonous dye containing a chemical common in rat poison). During the raucous party, everyone gets drunk and hurls champagne all over the socialite and her dress. In the morning, while everyone wakes up with severe hangovers, she wakes up to find that she's been dyed green, then vomits green slime and dies of organ failure from the dye seeping into her skin.
374 Dead Kacynski (a.k.a Dead Battery) October 11, 2003 Elko, NV A paranoid conspirator lives off the grid in a home powered by car batteries. When his girlfriend doesn't comply with his crazy demands, he evicts her, and then begins to write his chronicle on his mimeograph. When he powers the device, a spark from the poorly grounded spark plugs cause the multiple car batteries to explode, burning the man with sulfuric acid from the batteries and breaking multiple bones in the blast.
228 Die Jump (a.k.a Track and Heel) September 15, 1998 Summerhill, GA A sexy, manipulative amateur actress is chosen for a local commercial, but a businessman won't hire her unless she can demonstrate her ability to high-jump. The actress clears the bar, but misses the mat and hits the ground. She gets up, allegedly fine from her fall, until she gets plowed down by a track runner and dies when her spinal cord (which had a hairline fracture from her mat miss) shatters and dislocates, shutting down her nervous system and function in her heart and lungs.
107 Cop Out (a.k.a High Authority) April 30, 2007 Little Rock, AR A corrupt cop is sent to supervise teens doing community service and washing away graffiti. The bored cop decides to get high off of their paint thinner, and emerges from his car in a delusional rage, pointing his gun at the teens. When he drops it and goes to pick it up, the gun goes off, blasting into his brains and killing him. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Maniac Cop")
914 Lazy Bumday (a.k.a Dirty Rotting Scoundrel) January 5, 2001 Homestead, FL A lazy, overweight scammer who has been confined to a wheelchair from his ankles breaking pretends to be a crippled Gulf War veteran for money. After coming home to his slovenly house from his latest con, the man begins itching violently and discovers several maggots feasting on his infected bedsores. As the man freaks out, he collapses and dies—not from the maggots eating him alive, but from massive heart failure caused by years of poor dieting and no exercise. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Filthy Dirty Thief")
246 (Note: This is the second death with this number) White Wetting (a.k.a Flay-Ote) December 4, 2005 Woonsocket, RI A drug addict who smoked PCP-laced cigarettes wreaks havoc at a local grocery store, where he plays bowling with the paper towels, knocks over several displays, and declares himself "The Meat Man" while wandering through the deli section. When his mischief attracts the store security guard, he is chased through the store, slips, and slides into a stack of beer kegs, which fall on him and crush his skull (the pain of which the addict couldn't feel because of the anesthetic effects of the PCP).
631 Sun Burnt (a.k.a Laser's Edge) November 11, 2009 El Segundo, CA A sociopathic geek creates a concentrated death ray by covering a parabolic dish with tin foil. When he places it out in the sun to experiment, he successfully burns insects, tricks his apartment neighbor into putting his hand in the ray's path, and attempts to heat a can of beans. When the can explodes, the force knocks the geek out, and he falls forward into the path of the heat beam, which burns his skull and melts his brain.

Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.


JamesTherHAMPMaster 12:41, December 5, 2012 (UTC)


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