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1000 Ways to Die -- Season 3

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Season 3

NOTE: These bad words are very dangerous on some segments and some details.

Episode 25: Death On A Stick

Originally aired August 3, 2010.

Title reference: A spoof to the saying "Food on a Stick".

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
354 Blood Bath & Beyond May 11, 2005 Queens, NY A landlord uses a fiber optic scope to spy on young female tenants. One day while spying on a woman from below in her bathroom, the above floor collapses from water damage due to all the holes he drilled and the tub (with the bathing woman inside of it) crushes his head.

(This features the second time an interviewee has been kept in shadow for criminal protection, a voyeur known as "Paul")

418 Easy Slider May 17, 2008 Henderson, NV A couple finds a pool to hop into while the owners are away. After getting drunk and playing in the pool, the guy takes out a tarp and prepares to slide in the pool not noticing the nail (from when he was playing with a nail gun earlier) sticking up in the center of it. He then slides down the tarp, has his intestines torn out, and is killed quickly (but painfully) from blood loss and hypovolemic shock by the time he lands in the water.
337 Mine Over Splatter May 8, 1985 Da Nang, Vietnam Three former Vietnamese soldiers are arguing about what is the best aphrodisiac and decide to settle the score once and for all by playing Russian roulette. The three all dodge the bullet in the gun they use for the game and feel so invincible that they stomp the ground, which sets off an underground land mine left over from the Vietnam War that was buried underneath their shack. The explosion demolishes the shack and leaves nothing but a severed head from one of the men.
261 Gum's the Word December 9, 2003 Palm Springs, CA A male nurse who has sex with and robs old women of their money and valuables targets an old lady who has bad breath (a disgusting fact the man finds out after the old lady kisses him). After feeling sick, he runs into the bathroom and ingests several denture whitening tablets he believed were mints. After washing them down with water that had more denture cleaner dissolved in it, the chemicals dissolve his digestive tract while removing the oxygen in his blood. He bleeds and suffocates to death on the bathroom floor.
378 Bird Brained May 31, 2007 New York, NY A politically conservative bachelorette has a party in a limousine with her friends. She plans on just getting drunk on champagne, until her friends give her absinthe. In her drunken stupor, she sticks her head out of the limousine's sunroof and a low flying pigeon flies into her open mouth, snapping her neck and killing her.
919 Inquisi-Torn June 6, 1483 Cordoba, Spain An inventor of the Spanish Donkey named Father Gomez is denounced as a heretic during the Spanish Inquisition. He is then placed on his own device and slowly is split to death.
87 Boys 2 Dead June 23, 2009 Canoga Park, CA A has-been boy band is playing a performance at a bar to a less-than-excited audience. While invisioning a roaring crowd of fans, the lead singer then decides to crowd surf, though the audience does not catch him and he lands on the floor, snapping his neck and dying.

Episode 26: Putting A Smiley Face On Death

Originally aired September 14, 2010.

Title reference: This is the second episode to do so; first was "Putting a Happy Face on Death".

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
400 Fat-ality (a.k.a. Fatty Splatty) May 15, 2006 Austin, TX An obese man dreams of becoming a bodybuilder, but is too lazy to exercise and cannot afford to pay for a liposuction. The man requests the aid of a friend to perform a rather unorthodox method of liposuction on him by using a shop-vac. During the procedure, the friend accidentally latches onto the man's intestines and begins sucking them out. The friend manages to turn off the shop-vac, but turns it off too late and the man dies from blood loss and shock.
608 Catch and Decease (a.k.a. No Candiru) June 17, 2008 The Amazon A man in the Amazon hires a group of natives to search for gold and abuses them while they are doing so. While swimming in a river nearby from the men, he relieves himself in the river, which attracts a candiru, which enters his penis and attaches itself to the side of his urethra. The man rips the fish out, along with much of the inside of his penis, and is soon eaten alive by piranhas attracted by the escaping blood, much to the amusement of the men he had hired.
278 Gas Holed (a.k.a. Dr. Assman) January 5, 2009 Palm Beach, FL A proctologist with a fetish for women's rears begins to operate on a pole dancer who damaged her rectum during a porno movie shoot. Prior to the operation, the doctor forgets to advise her not to eat anything 12 hours before the operation. On the day of the operation, the doctor's cauterizer ignites the woman's flatulence (due to a chili dog she ate), creating a fireball which travels through the doctor's windpipe and incinerates his lungs. (NOTE: This segment was otherwise known as "Fireball Gas Attack".)
869 Back Stabbed (a.k.a. Blood Eagle) 10th century (around 950 A.D.) Scotland The king of a Viking clan leads a campaign of marauding, leaving his younger brother in charge during his expedition. The younger Viking celebrates by having sex with the women. When the queen tries to shut it down, he rapes her. A few months later, when the king returns, he catches his brother in bed with his wife and sentences him to die by the blood eagle, in which the victim is stabbed in the back and his lungs are pulled out of his body, causing the victim's lungs to deflate from lack of pressure and the victim to suffocate.
617 USSR-Dead (a.k.a. Fools Russian) October 12, 1989 Brighton Beach, NY A Ukrainian immigrant seeking to join the Russian Mafia is asked by two mobsters to beat down several patsy's for not paying their debts. After doing so, the mobsters burn the man's fingertips with sulfuric acid so that he will not leave fingerprints. To celebrate the man joining the mafia, the elderly and senile bartender pours drinks for the mobsters. However, he mistakenly picks up the acid instead of the vodka bottle due to the two bottles and liquid looking exactly alike. None of the men notice until it's too late, and the acid dissolves their tissue and organs, killing them.
55 Cardiac-A-Breast (a.k.a. Zapped Rack) August 2, 2006 Galena, IL A woman about to go out for a party, hoping to end with a date, wears a metal-lined bra to improve the shape of her bust. A sudden thunderstorm allows her to show herself off, getting the attention of everyone at the party, until a bolt of lightning hits the woman's metal bra, killing her instantly.
303 Road Killed July 10, 2008 Bend, OR A nature-loving hippie on her way to a hemp convention accidentally runs over a raccoon. Distraught, she tries to perform CPR on the animal and, while looking up to inhale, gets decapitated by the bumper of a passing truck whose driver did not see her in the middle of the road.

Episode 27: Stupid is as Stupid Dies

Originally aired September 21, 2010.

Title reference: Spoofs the saying "Stupid Is as Stupid Does".

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
444 (Note: this is the second death given to this number.) Jaw Boned (a.k.a. Chew Bomber) July 4, 2004 Orangeville, MI A once-promising chemist has now become a drug addict who spends his days making crystal meth in the garage of his house and chewing on a 6-day-old piece of gum that he regularly dips in citric acid to keep it moist and fresh. In the man's drug-addled rush, he accidentally dips the gum in red phosphorus instead. The force of his chewing causes it to explode, blowing off his jawbone and making his brain bleed out on the table.
412 (Note: this is the fourth death given to this number.) Hair Today, Dead Tomorrow (a.k.a. Rug Munched) May 1, 1968 San Francisco, CA A female nudist painter lapses into a coma and dies after months of digestive problems caused by her trichophagia. At the morgue, the coroners discover a trichobezoar in her intestines, which was clogged with enough hair and undigested food to cause intestinal rupturing and internal bleeding.
620 Mudder Sucked (a.k.a. Mudsport) November 21, 2009 Brentwood, CA A strict, sadistic pledge master (and military brat) at a sorority bullies her pledges during frosh week. At the end of the week, the pledges are instructed to build a mud wrestling pit for a charity event, but as the pledge master continues to harass them, one of the pledges gets fed up and attacks her. The pledge master proves to be the superior fighter, with the other pledges having to drag their defeated friend out of the pit. But as the pledge master is celebrating her victory, she begins to fall into the sinkhole that was beneath the ring the pledges were building and is sucked into the ground, eventually dying of suffocation from the tons of dirt and mud pressing on her chest.
223 Offed the Hook (a.k.a. Meathead, Meet Hook) July 17, 2003 Black Rock, OR A survivalist armed with a shotgun, a chain and meat hook is shown dying in three scenarios (the last of which actually happened to him): 1) Electrocuted after throwing his meat hook onto a power line so he can poach electricity for his TV, 2) Hanged on a tree branch after using his meat hook and chain to string up an elk carcass, and 3) Tripping in a ditch and performing an accidental tracheotomy after swallowing his own meat hook.
672 Erecto-Phobia (a.k.a. Peter Pork-Her) June 9, 2007 Washington D.C. A man cheating on his girlfriend gets bitten by a Brazilian wandering spider while getting some bananas out of her grocery bag. The spider's venom causes his blood vessels to dilate, resulting in a permanent erection. After having sex with two other women, the venom causes him to have a heart attack. (NOTE: This segment was otherwise known as "Arachnophobia Attack".)
299 Fansicle (a.k.a. Imbecile on Ice) October 19, 2009 Cool Rapids, MI A football fanatic paints himself in his team's colors (blue and white) and goes to a game in freezing weather. Sitting drunk and half-naked in the stands, he begins to develop hypothermia; however, no one can tell due to his blue paint and he loses the ability to speak, quickly freezing to death.
517 Tongue Tied April 16, 2006 Long Beach, CA A group of teens play a game in which two of them kiss while in adjacent moving cars. The couple's tongue piercings get tangled in each other, and they are decapitated by a forklift traveling between the cars.

Episode 28: Dead Wrongs

Originally aired September 28, 2010

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
179 Pam Caked! October 19, 2007 Beaumont, TX A cruel high school cheerleader captain gets jealous when a new girl joins the cheerleader squad, becomes the new flyer, and dates the quarterback who was previously dating the captain. On homecoming night, as the girls are about to do the heel stretch formation with the new girl on top, the captain lets her go, and she falls. Before the captain can gloat, she steps in front of the banner and gets trampled by the football team as they run through it, killing her.
124 Bibli-killed (a.k.a. E-I-E-I-OWW) June 6, 2006 Hancock, IA Two con artists posing as preachers go around the country handing out Bibles and having sex with their female customers. One day, they end up at a farm, where they attempt to have sex with the farmer's granddaughter. Hearing the commotion, the farmer's wife chases the men with a shotgun. They hide in a grain silo. However, when one of the men uses a lighter to see where they are, he ends up killing himself and his partner by causing a dust explosion. (NOTE: This segment was otherwise known as "E-I-E-I-OUCH!".)
779 Eel Effects May 10, 2007 Washington, D.C. At a sushi chef school, only 2 out of 25 students have graduated. As a custom, the head sushi chef shares shots of sake with his students to celebrate their graduation. After he passes out drunk, the students decide to put a Japanese eel down his pants as payback for the chef's abusive punishments (one of which was threatening to shove an eel up their rectums). The eel slithers through his rectum and eats its way out causing him to bleed to death.
207 Glow Job (a.k.a. Glow Schmoe) May 1, 2006 Los Angeles, CA A drug dealer does business at a rave, but gets bored when business slows down. He then decides to take a few hits of ecstasy. In his high, he injects himself with fluid from a glow stick and dies of phenol poisoning.
557 D-Parted (a.k.a. Blade Sunner) September 20, 2008 Reno, NV A recently divorced woman (played by Christina DeRosa) attempts to seduce three construction workers into her house. When she asks one of them to put sun tan lotion on her back while wearing nothing more than a bikini, he looses control of the concrete saw, which launches the blade at the woman and bisects her through her torso, causing instant death.
746 Pornicated (a.k.a. Hoard Knock Life) April 19, 2010 Tucson, AZ A porn addicted compulsive hoarder throws out everything in his wife's vanity to make room for his dirty movies, prompting his long-suffering wife of 35 years to leave him. Unfazed, the man continues to feed his addiction, but forgets to eat and drink. Disoriented, he begins to stagger his way out of the house, but because he has been hoarding so much X-rated material over the years, he gets trapped, collapses on the floor from severe dehydration, and dies.
156 Hard Balled (a.k.a. Jock Shocked) April 2, 2006 Durham, NC A lacrosse player and a bully hurls lacrosse balls at other students to impress some girls. One ball bounces off the wall, and when he is distracted by the most attractive girl at the school walking by, it hits him in the chest and triggers commotio cordis, causing him to die of arrhythmia.

Episode 29: Fatal Distractions

Originally aired October 5, 2010.

Title reference: Spoofs the Animal Planet TV series Fatal Attractions.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
507 Golden Die-Angle (a.k.a. Four By Gore) April 8, 1996 Laos A Golden Triangle drug lord with a penchant for decapitating trespassers with a machete receives a call that a few trespassers are stealing from his poppy fields. He mounts his ATV and chases after them. While the robbers hide, the man tries to track them down, forgetting about a barbed wire rope he set up as a security measure. The man hits the barbed wire at high speed and, ironically, is decapitated.
243 Clay Achin' June 3, 2006 Astoria, OR Two stoners create a clay bong that uses flavored disks to make the marijuana smoke taste like different foods. They contact a friend with a homemade kiln. After some time, they check on the progress of the bong. After seeing that the kiln has gone out, the stoners drop a lighter into it. The lit match ignites the propane gas inside, causing an explosion which turns the clay into deadly shrapnel, killing them.
159 Death of Sum Young Guy (a.k.a. All He Could Eat) January 19, 2009 San Diego, CA A gluttonous man arrives at a Chinese restaurant for an all-you-can-eat restaurant. After already eating at other restaurants (and nearly choking to death at the current restaurant), he suffers a heart attack from the MSG that accumulated in his system from nothing but a steady diet of Chinese buffet food.
239 Crib Your Enthusiasm (a.k.a. Baby Boom) September 12, 2009 Redwood City, CA A couple who enjoy baby-mother roleplaying build a full nursery, complete with an adult-sized drop-gate crib. During one session, the wife leaves for a brief break, resulting in her husband throwing a tantrum. Accidentally throwing his teddy bear out of the crib, the man reaches through the bars to try to grab it. He shakes the crib with enough force to unlock the gate, which falls and severs the man's vertebrae, causing him to die of asphyxiation.
929 Turtle Waxed (a.k.a. Turtle Shelled) August 17, 2010 Mojave Natl Park An animal poaching married couple attempt to find rare animals to sell on the wildlife black market. They spot a rare, endangered turtle, and the husband attempts to capture it. However, before he can grab the turtle, a bald eagle swoops down and snatches it. The eagle drops the turtle from a high altitude to break its shell, but it lands on the husband's head, breaking through his skull and sending him into cardiac arrest.
282 Potty Mouth (a.k.a. Dirt Eater) July 21, 2008 Spokane, WA A geophagic executive of a failing loan office reaches the point where she has to eat her neighbor's organic soil to manage her anxiety, unknowingly consuming a mixture of compost and her neighbor's own feces. She ends up contracting a virulent strain of E. coli and she contracts severe diarrhea and nausea (which she brushes off as a harmless stomach flu). After three days, the E. coli bacteria spreads throughout the woman's body, poisoning and eventually killing her.
342 Die-Brator (a.k.a. Pink Tingler) May 1, 1998 San Francisco, CA After a seminar, a misandristic, sociopathic leader of a fringe feminist party (notorious for their sexually violent crimes against men) returns home to find a vibrator from her lesbian lover, unaware that it's really a 1000-kilovolt taser that resembles a vibrator. After inserting it into herself and activating it, the taser electrocutes the feminist, causing cardiac arrest and kills her.

Episode 30: The End is Weird

Originally aired October 19, 2010.

Title reference: Play-on words to the saying "The End is Near".

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
723 Bot-ily Harm (a.k.a. Mod Man) July 25, 2002 Austin, TX A teenage boy obsessed with building robots and annoying his mom with them uses the microprocessor from his mother's Roomba to build a motion sensing robot with a sharp rotating edger blade. After dropping a screw and bending over to pick it up, the robot awakens and charges at the boy, severing two of his fingers, then slashing his foot, and after he falls to the ground, it lacerates deeply into his abdomen, killing him from excessive loss of blood.
121 Hertz So Good (a.k.a. Oh My God) May 17, 2008 Tarzana, CA An exhibitionist couple have public sex on top of an old, defective transformer. The man reveals a Prince Albert piercing to his girlfriend, and once it makes contact with the transformer during intercourse, he is electrocuted. The girlfriend is unharmed, as her feet were not on the ground and all she felt was a mild tingle from her boyfriend getting shocked. (NOTE: This segment was otherwise known as "Transrformed Attraction")
14 Harry He-Done-Y (a.k.a. Harry Hou-Dunnit) October 22, 1926 (Technically nine days later.) Montreal, Canada Famous escape artist and magician Harry Houdini claims himself invincible to blows to the torso. A fan sends several blows to the abdomen. He collapses onstage two days later, and dies in hospital a week later from septic shock from a burst appendix. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "The Harry Houdini Story")
323 Vom-Ate-Dead (a.k.a. Chunka Chunka Burnin' Love) September 29, 2008 Atlantic City, NJ A female emetophiliac tries to get a boyfriend, but is dumped once they discover her fetish. She goes to a hot-dog-eating-competition, hoping to have sex with the winner. She ambushes him backstage and jams a finger down his throat, causing him to vomit on her face. She inhales a piece of undigested hot dog, causing her to choke to death.
506 Die-Drant November 21, 2009 Brentwood, CA A prankster uses a mirror to reflect sunlight into the eyes of passing drivers in the hopes of causing an accident. He succeeds when the driver collides with a fire hydrant, which flies into the air and crushes the prankster's skull.
284 Hang Dunked June 3, 1986 San Francisco, CA An egotistical bully hogs a basketball court. He makes a slam dunk and, to celebrate, hangs from the rim and pulls himself up through it. When he lets go, his necklace gets caught in the net and he hung to death.
873 Bad Max (a.k.a. Sucked Off) July 23, 2010 Malibu, CA In this imaginary tale (based on a real death, with the victim changed for legal and ethical reasons), a notoriously racist and sexist movie star attempts to force his girlfriend into giving him oral sex, but she is too busy recording his abusive phone calls to sell to the press. The man sits in his Jacuzzi, and ends up eviscerated through his anus when he sits directly on the Jacuzzi's suction pump.

Episode 31: Hurry Up and Die

Originally aired October 26, 2010.

Title reference: Spoofs the Stereophonics' song "Hurry Up and Wait".

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
957 Drunk Die-er (a.k.a. Early Harvest) September 9, 2009 St. Louis, MO A drunk driver, who was just released from prison for vehicular manslaughter, crashes his car and is mistakenly pronounced dead at the scene. When authorities find out he is an organ donor, they bring him to the hospital to remove his organs while he is still alive. The doctors never find out he is not dead yet and take out his heart, finally causing his death.
523 Jersey Gore (a.k.a. Clean Sweep) August 14, 2008 Newark, NJ An obnoxious man known as Nicky "The Predicament" works on his car with extremely loud music playing while his wife constantly and angrily tells him to turn it down. He slides out from under his car down the driveway and into the path of a street sweeper he did not see or hear coming. He gets crushed under the wheels and is shredded by the bristles, leaving a bloody mess on the road.
132 Cast Offed (a.k.a. Boned Redneck) October 3, 1996 Purvis, MS While using a log splitter to prepare firewood for upcoming cold weather, a drunk Southern man gets his arm caught in the machine and breaks it. He decides to save his welfare money by creating a cast and putting it on himself, but he fails to set the bone properly and makes the cast too tight. When he cuts it off a month later, globules of bone marrow leak into his bloodstream and form a fat embolism in his heart, killing him.
412 (Note: This is thefifth death given this number.) Lesboned (a.k.a. Burning Loins) June 9, 2008 Parker Strip, AZ A bisexual real estate agent notorious for having sex with her clients seduces a wealthy, lesbian prospective customer. After a tour of the house, pool, and eventually the laundry room, they strip and have sex on top of the dryer. Their movements cause its fuel line to come loose and the room fills with natural gas. When the water heater turns on automatically, it ignites the gas and sets off an explosion that kills both women. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Lazy Laudromat")
597 Tapped Out (a.k.a. Rasslers) June 16, 2005 Rockford, IL Two aspiring amateur wrestlers with dreams of going pro assault each other with increasingly insane objects, including fluorescent light bulbs. During practice, one wrestler slashes his partner in the chest with a weed whacker. While the partner who got slashed in the chest survives, the first wrestler collapses and dies from toxic shock caused by inhaling the mercury vapor from the broken bulbs and particles of mercury that entered his blood through earlier wounds.
284 (Note: This is the second death given to this number.) Mail Order Fried (a.k.a. Shock and Awww) August 14, 2002 Olathe, KA An obnoxious mailman who has a second job as the target at the local carnival's dunk tank insults the customers with embarrassing secrets he culls from their mail. Over time, balls that miss the target repeatedly hit the fuse box for the tank's water heater and damage the wiring until it makes contact with the water. When one customer (a former professional baseball player who spent two years playing the game in Japan) hits the target, the mailman falls into the tank and is electrocuted.
330 Fecal Attraction (a.k.a. Toilet Victimized) September 17, 2002 Provo, UT A Keith Richards-esque rock star and notorious drug addict freaks out when he runs out of drugs and his band gets stranded in a dry town, until one of his roadies suggests that he try jenkem. When he is no longer able to defecate, he finds a port-a-potty, sticks his head in, and gets high, but suffers from a brownout and loses consciousness. Because his heads still in the toilet, he asphyxiates from lack of oxygen and excess of methane gas to his hemoglobin.

Episode 32: Death Puts On a Dunce Cap

Originally aired November 2, 2010.

Death # "Event" name Date of Death Location Circumstances of death
959 Tenta-killed (a.k.a. Eaten Alive) March 14, 2003 Seattle, WA An overprotective, traditional Korean immigrant father who aims to scare away his daughter's boyfriend (who is Westernized) invites him for a traditional Korean dinner. After the boyfriend eats live prawn and seaworms, the father requests for him to swallow a live octopus. Once the hopeful suitor declines, the father eats his own, only for the octopus' suction cups to attach themselves to the man's trachea, causing him to choke to death.
268 Orspasm (a.k.a. Cluster F**ked) December 24, 1993 Beaverton, OR A woman who suffers from persistent genital arousal disorder is abused by her sadistic boyfriend, who takes pleasure in making her suffer involuntary orgasms. One day, as the couple climb up the stairs, the boyfriend pokes his lover in the back with a vibrating back massager. The woman goes into one of her spasms and ends up knocking her boyfriend down the stairs. The fall breaks his neck and severs his spinal cord, causing him to suffocate to death. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Cluster Victimized")
61 Furdered (a.k.a. Pitfall) June 4, 2010 Upper Peninsula, MI A hunter in the Michigan wilderness dressed in the pelt of an animal travels through the forest. After climbing out of one of his own spike traps and falling inches away from a bear trap, he is shot by another hunter who mistakes him for an animal. The bullet enters the man's neck and exits his hip, and he bleeds to death.
398 Vuvu...Whatever, He's Dead (a.k.a. Feelin' Horny) November 21, 2009 Tucson, AZ, At a soccer match, a soccer-obsessed nuisance buys a vuvuzela and vigorously blows it, straining to blow harder with each successful sound. The pressure caused by blowing the horn nonstop causes a brain aneurysm. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Vuvuzelized")
930 Injecti-cide (a.k.a. Filler' Up) January 11, 2008 Monterey, CA An elderly, former supermodel and beauty queen injects corn oil into her face to keep her skin looking fresh and beautiful as a substitute for expensive Botox injections. Eventually, the oil makes her bleed out from her eyes and lips and causes cell death in her heart and lungs.
220 Scratch n' Snuffed (a.k.a. Buggered) November 2, 2008 Hattiesburg, VA A politician drops dead after being voted out of office, being humiliated by widespread news of a sex scandal involving visits to South America to see his Brazilian mistress, and going broke after his wife abandons him. When the politician was on one of these trips ten years earlier, he was bitten by a triatominae. After numerous visits and numerous bits, he to develop Chagas' disease, which in turn led to a fatal cardiac arrhythmia. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Indecent Insect")
503 Implo-dead (a.k.a. Smacked Down) July 27, 2009 Baltimore, MD A crack-addicted couple on the run from the law for committing murder and robbery hide out in an abandoned building, not knowing that it is slated for demolition. When the crew sets off explosives to bring down the building, tons of falling rubble crush the couple to death.

Episode 33: Young, Dumb, and Full of Death

Originally aired November 9, 2010

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
396 Onesie & Donesie (a.k.a. In Fail Mercial) December 7, 2008 Orlando, FL An accident-prone home shopping network salesman survives falling off a ladder and getting a piece of a samurai sword lodged in his chest (which miraculously caused no fatal damage). After returning to work from the hospital from the samurai sword incident, he advertises a flannel one-piece pajama. Still wearing the pajamas, he then advertises some aromatherapy candles. When the sleeve touches the lit candles he is engulfed in flames. The stage manager tries to put out the fire with an extinguisher, but the extinguisher clogs. The salesman dies from severe burns all over his body.
203 Hillary Snuffed (a.k.a. The Final Straw) November 21, 2009 Hollywood, CA A former reality TV star, under the delusion that she's still famous, snorts cocaine at a party using a platinum coke straw. A man attempts to take the woman's picture as she's snorting cocaine, and treats the privacy invasion as a paparazzi attack. She calls in her bodyguard, who snatches the camera from the man and punches him in the face. The man falls on top of the reality show star as she's doing a line, and the coke straw gets lodged in her nose, puncturing her frontal lobe and causing a fatal brain hemorrhage. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "The Last & Final Straw")
704 Cruci-Fried (a.k.a. Seeing The Light) July 19, 1978 Chattanooga, TN A phony miracle healer and minister removes the ground from a three-pronged electrical plug to a microphone amp in hopes of getting rid of an annoying hum emitting from the machine. During the service, he steps into a baptismal pool while holding the microphone and is electrocuted.
742 Hammer Head (a.k.a. Hammertime) September 14, 2003 Rochester, NY A new janitor at an all-girls preparatory school lurks outside with a video camera recording teenaged field hockey players as they practice. When one of the girls notices this, she tries to hit him with the field hockey ball. The janitor ducks out of the way and continues to film them—only to get the side of his skull crushed in by a hammer thrower who threw her hammer too far.
478 Board Stiff (a.k.a. Tony Hack) August 9, 2009 Chicago, IL A skilled, yet washed-up skateboarder is out skating one day. His board goes over a rock, and he falls face first down a staircase into some wet cement. The impact of the fall knocks him unconscious. While unconscious, he inhales the wet cement into his trachea, suffocating him. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Skateboard Scamper")
47 (Note: second death to be given this number) Sumowed (a.k.a. Sumo You Didn't) June 22, 2006 Palo Alto, CA A corporate leader who was only hired because his father owned the company leads an employee retreat. After failing to catch his volunteer during the trust fall exercise, he dresses up in a sumo suit, and sumo-wrestles an opponent (coincidentally, his opponent was the woman whom the man forgot to catch during the trust fall exercise). However, he set up the sumo ring too close to the edge of a cliff, and he is pushed off it by his opponent. He survives the fall because of his padded sumo suit, but ends up getting fatally hit by a Smart Car.
345 Bush Whacked (a.k.a. Non-Survival of the Fittest) May 21, 2008 Defiance, OH A man addicted to survival nature shows sets out to film himself making a spring salad from allegedly safe plants, only to become violently ill after eating them. The actual ingredients of the salad were oleander, an herb that causes heart palpitations, foxglove, a gastrointestinal irritant that causes vomiting and diarrhea, and nature's most dangerous plant: hemlock, creating a trifecta of symptoms that kills him shortly afterwards.

Episode 34: Today's Menu: Deep Fried Death

Originally aired December 8, 2010.

Title reference: Half the deaths featured on this episode are food-related.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
129 Lawn of the Dead (a.k.a. Death By '70s) May 5, 1978 Allentown, PA In the 1970s, a man dies during a barbecue when he gets distracted by a woman flashing her breasts after he threw a lawn dart into the air, which later falls through his skull, piercing his brain, and coming out the bridge of his nose. (Comedian Charlie Murphy guest stars in this segment, providing commentary on '70s culture.)
438 Tongue Died (a.k.a. Metalhead) September 4, 2008 Detroit, MI During the 2008 recession/housing crisis, a scavenger stealing metal from foreclosed homes and sells them for scrap is caught by an obese police officer and is chased. He succeeds in escaping the police officer but ends up falling into an open manhole (the lid of which was stolen by the scavenger earlier in the segment). The impact of the fall causes the man to bite off his tongue (which remains above ground) and break his neck, asphyxiating him. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Messy Metalhead")
119 Tube Snaked (a.k.a. Pipe Snake) August 19, 2005 Topeka, KS An underwear-clad groupie throws out her struggling musician boyfriend after his record deal falls through and tosses out his clothes, his demo CDs, and his electric guitar. As the man drives away, the woman keeps her boyfriend's pet boa constrictor that almost strangles her to death. The woman successfully escapes its clutches, throws the boa on the grass, and goes back in the house to get drunk. The boa constrictor slithers back through a pipe on the side of the house used in expelling carbon monoxide. The constrictor gets stuck inside, causing a back-up of carbon monoxide, which kills the groupie, who mistakes her carbon monoxide poisoning for alcohol intoxication.
673 R.I.P.-PED (a.k.a. Juiced) October 3, 2004 Tarzana, CA A 70-year-old man obsessed with body building relies on not only his exercise equipment, but his juicer to build and maintain his muscles. After years of overworking his juicer, the juicer stops, overheats, and explodes, sending the juicer's blade into his carotid artery.
145 Mary-nated (a.k.a. The Mary Mallon Story) March 5, 1908 Long Island City, NY A couple who is oblivious to her notorious past and her disease hire Mary Mallon (a.k.a. Typhoid Mary) as their cook and die from typhoid fever four weeks later.
802 Gooed Riddance (a.k.a. Gag Reflex) November 21, 2009 Chicago, IL When a group of women have a reunion they promised to have 10 years ago (one of which has become a mean girl and wants nothing to do with her childish friends anymore), they play the game Chubby Bunny. The more mature one, who wins just as before, later chokes when the marshmallows melt in her mouth and clog her trachea.
259 De-Throned (a.k.a. Bowel-ed Over) April 23, 2002 Las Vegas, NV A misogynistic biker forces a bar maid to be his personal housekeeper so she can pay off a gambling debt. During her time, he intentionally makes messes for her to clean up, one of which is cleaning motorcycle parts with gasoline in the living room. The maid cleans up the gasoline by sopping it up in a rag, wringing it out in a bucket, and pouring the gasoline in the toilet, but doesn't flush. The biker comes home, throws down his beer can, and goes to the bathroom. As the biker is on the toilet, he smokes a cigarette and tosses it between his legs into the bowl. The methane gas from his flatulence gets ignited by the cigarette and the toilet blows up, rupturing the biker's pelvic arteries and causing him to bleed to death, much to the relief and happiness of the maid.

Episode 35: Cure for the Common Death, Part II

Originally aired December 15, 2010.

Title reference: A first sequel to "Cure for the Common Death".

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
414 Hydrau-licked (a.k.a. Hubcapped) May 2, 2009 El Paso, TX An overly-protective low-rider competes against someone who he caught eyeing his girlfriend and wins the competition. But as he's celebrating, a loose spring from his car hits him in the chest and knocks him to the ground where his opponents still-bumping car crushes his skull and chest
188 Nun F***ed (a.k.a. Bum Chucks) April 12, 2008 Natick, MA An inept martial arts rookie prepares to make a viral video showing off his karate skills in hopes of winning himself a real girlfriend, because he's tired of a pretend girlfriend. He begins by trying to break boards, bricks and cinder blocks with his head, then starts to twirl nunchucks and accidentally hits himself in the head. The breaking attempts had weakened his skull, and the nunchuck hit fractures it, inflicting fatal brain damage.
158 Myth Busted (a.k.a. Tranq-Spanked) May 3, 2006 Pierce County, WA An angry, friendless redneck, living out in the countryside, is constantly annoyed by the people who use a jogging trail on state park land near his property. To scare them off, the man dresses like Bigfoot and harasses them as they pass. One jogger notifies a park ranger, who believes in Bigfoot and shoots the "creature" with a tranquilizer dart meant to be used on large animals. The man soon dies from low blood pressure, as a reaction to etorphine in the tranquilizer.
304 Radioactivate-dead (a.k.a. Red Scare) March 24, 1993 Los Angeles, CA A former Russian spy is tracked by his former employers as he sells foreign documents to the U.S. government. Knowing one of the spy's daily routines is to buy coffee from the same stand, the vendor, himself a spy, routinely spikes it with polonium-210 instead of firing a former spy. Roughly a month later, the former spy dies of multiple organ failure due to acute radiation poisoning.
389 Jelly Belly-ed (a.k.a. Swallow Wallows) January 18, 2004 Cairns, Australia A group of American students take a tour of Australia (and a vacation) with their school friends. One of them is an immature, attention-starved young woman whose bad behavior stems from being ostracized earlier in life. After angering the rest of the students with a false shark scare, she goes for a swim, accidentally swallows an Irukandji jellyfish, stinging her trachea and swelling it shut, though no one notices or cares as they think she's faking it.
276 Die-Arrhea (a.k.a. Die-Fecta) February 21, 2004 Louisville, KY An obnoxious, renowned jockey evicted from his hotel becomes desperate to win a horse race so he can retire for good, so he becomes anorexic and starts abusing illegal Chinese laxatives to lose enough weight to race. He surprisingly wins, but no one's around to see him because he dies from massive dehydration, potassium deficiency, and renal failure from the laxatives he took and no fluids to replenish his electrolytes.
122 Balloon-A-Tic (a.k.a. Clown-i-lingus) July 25, 2009 Las Vegas, NV A girl and her friends have a bachelorette party and hire a male stripper who dresses up like a birthday party clown and performs X-rated tricks. During his final act, he performs fellatio on a balloon. When he gets the balloon deep enough, he pops it with his stomach acid, blocking his air passage and choking him to death.

Episode 36: Sudden Death

Originally aired December 22, 2010. Note: This is the fourth episode not to feature the death of a female.

Title Derived from: The 1995 Film of the Same Name with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
435 Coffin to Death (a.k.a. Holy Diver) January 3, 1993 Kyoto, Japan Prior to a concert, the lead singer of a popular Japanese rock band decides to emerge out of a prop coffin filled with the steam from dry ice for a theatrical entrance. However, the lead guitarist (who is feuding with the singer) decides to steal the spotlight by performing an excessively long, 3-minute guitar solo on top of the coffin, trapping the singer inside the coffin and away from fresh air, killing him from lack of oxygen.
194 Poker Face September 8, 1938 Joliet, IL An inmate on death row receives a deck of playing cards from a friend to use in building a pipe bomb as part of an escape plan. He breaks a metal leg from his bed, packs it with torn-up cards and water, and sets it on his cell's heater. After waiting some time for it to explode, he picks it up only to have it detonate in his hands due to the sudden mixing of the water and the cards' flammable nitrocellulose coating. The prisoner dies from shrapnel injuries to his face.
415 Bed Buggered (a.k.a. Jerked Off) October 14, 2004 Columbus, OH Two college roommates (a jock and a geek) share a dorm room, with the latter continually being made to leave whenever the former brings a date to the dorm. One night, the geek finally brings a date to the room, and has sex with her on top of the bunk beds while the jock harasses the two of them from below. The movements of the couple cause the top bunk to fall on the jock and fatally crush him. Based on a similar sense from Black Sheep
578 Corset Killed Him (a.k.a. Of Corset Kills) January 22, 2009 New York, NY An arrogant, overweight, doughnut-eating ballroom dancer uses a corset to make himself look thin, but laces it too tight. While arguing with his dance partner, the corset compresses his chest and fractures one of his ribs so that it punctures his heart, causing internal bleeding and cardiac arrest.
692 Gone Fission (a.k.a. WWM'D) November 11, 2009 Yemen As two would-be terrorists construct a plutonium nuclear bomb, one of them accidentally drops a tungsten carbide brick on the radioactive core (due to a burp after eating a burger), causing a massive surge of radiation. The surge destroys their immune systems and both men are overcome with extreme nausea and become bedridden, eventually dying of bacterial pneumonia and asphyxiation as their lungs fill with fluid.
63 Falling Down On The Job (a.k.a. Destruction Worker) June 7, 1993 Boise, ID A lazy construction worker uses a rope elevator designed for bringing tools to the upper floors of a building. On his way up, the rope snaps and he plummets to his death, when he hits the ground, he suffers multiple fractures and dies of hemorrhaging.
888 Ex-Squeezed (a.k.a. Scavenger's Daughter) 1581 London, England A prisoner named Thomas Miagh is sentenced to die on a torture rack, but he is so tall that the machine cannot stretch his body. His executioner, Sir William Skeffington, then invents the Scavenger's Daughter, a device that forces the man into a fetal position while two metal arms crush his ribs and lungs. Thomas dies of blood loss and puncture wounds.

Episode 37: Dying to Tell the Story

Originally aired December 29, 2010.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
794 African't (a.k.a. Sorry Safari) March 24, 1994 Tanzania, Africa A rich, spoiled man and his sister tour in the Serengeti, and get frustrated over how boring the safari is. They soon abandon their tour guide in search of some excitement (against the tour guide's warnings), and get very tired and dehydrated. They both pass out under a tree. Hours later, the man's sister wakes up to find that a colony of driver ants has eaten her brother alive from the inside out. The sister (who runs screaming into the wild) survives because the perfume she had on was treated with a chemical commonly used in insect repellent.
645 Amish-Tinguished (a.k.a. Jebe-Die-Ah) October 31, 2005 Philadelphia, PA An Amish boy sent to the city as part of Rumspringa is coaxed into a Halloween party by guests who think the Amish boy's look is a costume. The boy is coaxed into a few drinks and becomes the life of the party, until he collapses and dies, unaware that he was born without an enzyme that aids in breaking down alcohol.
416 Trucked Up August 2, 2006 Ithaca, NY A teenager shows off his car to his girlfriend, but his obnoxious cousin also shows off his new pickup truck. While showing off eight ball on his gear shift, he left the car in gear. When he activated the remote starter, the truck lurched forward, popped out of gear, knocked him on the ground and then crushed his skull with the tires.
212 Handi-Crapped (a.k.a. Surfin' Turd) July 19, 2010 Malibu, CA A rude surfer often parks his convertible in handicapped parking spaces. When confronted by a Vietnam War veteran who lost his leg, the surfer refuses to confront him, opting instead to drive away. The surfboard pivots sideways due to quick acceleration of his car, hits a street sign and severs the surfer's head from his spinal cord, killing him instantly. (NOTE: This segment is otherwise known as "Hanicappable Surfin'")
169 Chess Pain (a.k.a. End Game) January 1, 1977 Leningrad, USSR A Soviet chess master challenges a chess robot to a match, using a board fitted with electromagnets and metal pieces that respond to the robot's moves. The man sweats profusely under the stress of the game, and when he touches one piece, he is electrocuted due to the board not being properly grounded.
315 Little Chop Of Horrors (a.k.a. Chop Shop of Horrors) June 11, 2005 Detroit, MI A chop shop owner cheats two criminals out of a car, attempting to profit from its engine. As he works under the car to loosen the mounts, the chain holding up the engine breaks, dropping it onto his chest and crushing him.
452 'Dis Still Killed 'Em (a.k.a. Full Proof) April 22, 1931 Morgantown, WV At the height of both the Prohibition Era and the Great Depression, a poor, Appalachian couple decide to make money by selling moonshine. They sample the first liquid produced by their still, not realizing that it contains pure methanol, which causes blindness and eventual organ failure.

Episode 38: If You're Dead – Leave a Message and We'll Get Back to You

Originally aired January 5, 2011

Title reference: Spoofs the answering machine greetings.

Death # "Event" Name Date of Death Location Circumstances of Death
501 Hats All Folks! (a.k.a. Mad Hatter) December 12, 1849 Danbury, CT A hat maker's constant exposure to mercury (which he uses to felt hats) not only drives him to insanity, but destroys his internal organs, causes metalicizing of the blood stream, destruction of the brain and death.
937 Tone Death (a.k.a. Over-I-Dose) October 17, 2009 Brooklyn, NY An I-Dose dealer uses military subsonic equipment to amplify the hallucinogenic effects of his music for a new I-Dose file called "Satan's Jackhammer" and ends up dying from sonic pressure.
877 Caulk Blocked (a.k.a. Ass Full Of Caulk) April 25, 1998 New York, NY A wannabe hip-hop queen and aspiring songwriter gets butt implants to get the attention of a male rapper who prefers women with big butts (and has dedicated a hit song to those kind of women). However, the surgeon she hired was a fraud, and her butt implants were made of common bathroom caulk instead of medical-grade silicone. The syringe the surgeon used accidentally hit an artery and sent the caulk into her circulatory system where it clogged her heart and led to cardiac arrest.
130 Deaf Jammed (a.k.a. Wind-Owned) October 19, 2008 Detroit, MI A car thief who targets women gets his windpipe crushed and the blood supply to his brain cut off after his deaf target rolls up her car window with his head still stuck in the window.
448 Homie-Cide (a.k.a. Drive-By Corpsing) July 31, 2004 East L.A., CA A wannabe actor joins a Hispanic gang to get into character for an upcoming low-budget gang film. After surviving his final initiation and being accepted, he is struck by a cadaver thrown off an overpass by a rival gang, causing a skull fracture and fatal brain hemorrhaging.
320 OMG! SUV! R.I.P. (a.k.a. Squeeze Play) July 15, 2007 Burbank, CA A con artist specializing in filing frivolous lawsuits deliberately breaks his leg while trying to get hit by a blonde on her cell phone driving an SUV. She pulls over to help and finds him resting against the rear bumper of a car parked in front of her. When she accidentally knocks her SUV into neutral after getting back in to grab her cell phone, the car rolls forward and pins the man in between the two bumpers, crushing him to death.
172 Dead-dy Dearest (a.k.a. Point Blank) May 25, 1994 Sandusky, OH An extremely overprotective father and former Army soldier scares his daughter and her boyfriend by firing a gun at her boyfriend after suspecting that the two are having sex. The father then remorselessly explains to his enraged daughter that the whole thing was a prank and that the gun is loaded with blanks. The man demonstrates by aiming the gun at his head and firing. Ironically, the man dies from getting shot in the head by the force of the blank hitting him in his temple.

JamesTherHAMPMaster 12:06, December 5, 2012 (UTC)

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